Determined!

Determined i am to lose weight.
Determined i am to not bite nails.
Determined i am to stand tall.
Determined i am to write better and consistently.
Determined i am to not procrastinate.
Determined i am to not stay up till late at night.
Determined i am to wake up early and fresh.
Determined i am to watch movies every week.
Determined i am!

Feels like a rainy July day in November

Just as i open the slides of my window, i see wetness around. Leaves dripping and cars speckled with water droplets. Cyclone-infested rains decided to show up in the middle of November.

?? What's happening... Is there something wrong with nature's health? Or are they filling up the deficit of this year's rainfall a little late.

It is not really a pleasant feeling neither is it saddening. Just concerning.

Is it a natural one-off phase or is it fury? Fury for mistreating the environment, of course. Don't know.

Actually, just watch without getting judgmental unless there is something substantial we do about the situation.

Preaching, believing and practicing

i keep preaching and thinking that one should accept people just the way they are.
i believe in it strongly.
i like to think and feel that i practice it.
Realised though that as much as i want and expect people to accept me just as i am, i don't practice the same.
From here and now, i shall accept one and all, as they are.
Just upgrade self.
:)

A fleeting glimpse of Ranbir Kapoor

Whoa.... my hands are still paining after all the pushing and shoving.
Yea...we did all of that to catch one glimpse of Ranbir Kapoor, the rock star.
The venue was the Provogue studio at Phoenix Mills.
Slated time to make an appearance 6 PM.

This was a promotional event for Ranbir's upcoming movie - Ajab Prem Ki Gajab Kahaani. He was accompanied by Katrina Kaif who also looked gorgeous.

me and my 2 other office friends hurried to Phoenix Mill at 1815. And the scene we saw outside the Provogue studio made us feel that we might not be able to catch even a glimpse. Hordes of young gals and guys had gathered and lined the gangway(to put it mildly).

Just as we were figuring out how would we do this arduous task of watching the stars, their car arrived and we were bulldozed to make way for it. In that, one of my chappals slipped off and i saw one of the security guards pick it up for the car to drive in smoothly.

Katrina peeked out of the car window and waved, so caught her for a teeny bit more than Ranbir. The SUV stopped and immediately Katrina stepped out followed by Ranbir. That was the first glimpse and man, it was worth it. One flash and the 2 stars went into the studio.

We stationed ourselves outside the studio, pulling, pushing, shoving, breathing, sweating, shouting. i got separated from my 2 colleagues and stood at a corner. And waited for them to step out. my phone hung up when the separated friend called, so i couldn't receive her call. They had climbed up the stairs to get a better view.

For around 40 minutes, we waited. And then, they stepped out. Katrina came out of nowhere just like a fairy. Dressed in a yellow top and a hair band (only so much was visible of her), she made a pretty picture. And out stepped Ranbir in his white t-shirt and side-parted hair. Man, he looked heavenly!!

Strong bodyguards protected them and made sure nobody could get near them. The reporters and photographers went click-click. So did the whole crowd with their mobile phones, but to stand on your toes, balance yourself and take a picture with your hands was a task, today for me, so i couldn't take any pictures.

By that time, i had misplaced both my chappals. i stood there barefoot keeping some perverts at bay.

It was some experience!!!!

i didn't faint or stuff but was close to it as people kept falling on each other. In between, there was an over smart dude, who kept saying that, itna hi hai toh sau rupaye ka ticket khareed ke dekh lona, nahi toh DVD, woh khareed lo. But he didn't move even one bit, just stood there enlightening people. Obviously, the crowd pushed him over to the other side.

When the car drove off and the crowd drifted, i looked for my chappals and found many others who were looking for theirs. One of my chappals was in the hand of my colleague and the other one i found too quickly.

We stepped into McDonald's to have some Coke and shared our feeling.

Woohooo.... some other day, i would like to have a rendezvous with Ranbir Kapoor, but this one would be a memorable one too.

Talk about adventure and liberation.....

i have always had this complaint and regret with myself that i am not adventurous enough. i don't enjoy my freedom fully. My idea of adventure was - doing things that are unnatural of me. Some things that i have never tried before and essentially those that come with a feeling of liberation.

And then suddenly i realised that i've been doing and have done quite a few 'different' things.

Yesterday, i came back from my Mama's place (Wadala) at 2330 all alone in my car (haven't told my folks about it and not sure how their reaction will be like, but nevertheless....). Initially, i was scared, even negative and skeptical. What if there is nakabandi, the cops could trouble me for being alone, what if somebody mugs me. i had even locked my car from the inside. But slowly, i realised that what is happening now is an adventure.

After a few minutes of absorbing the fact, i felt so happy and 'liberated'. i put on the music and manoeuvered myself to home. There was no rush to reach home quickly, no traffic to beat, no crazy honking and no overtaking. It was not exactly like my 'so-called' notions of adventure, but again nevertheless....

And that got me thinking, actually speaking i have always had my small adventures. my life is not that boring also and without any efforts, life has thrown some pleasant adventures on me.
1. When my parents forcibly, emotionally blackmailed me to take them to some relatives' place i stayed in the car like a driver.... :)
2. i have seen 2-3 movies alone. An English play too.
3. This is too little of an adventure. i walked down on the rocks of the Worli Sea Face. Climbed down from the promenade and stayed there for a few moments. Didn't go too far.
4. Joined a group like Board Games Bash. Attend it regularly.
5. i once hit a motorcycle man while taking a wrong turn. Dealt with the police, gave my address and wrong cell phone number. Was shit scared but when it got over, i felt stronger.

That's all i can remember right now. Probably, the ones that i can't recollect aren't all that exciting after all. But with each endeavour, i feel a great sense of freedom. Something that adds to my character.

These days, i have got this immense desire to get a tattoo done. i was absolutely against it, but now things have changed. i think, for me, this will be the most liberating experience ever. A change that i cannot reverse, as this will be for life.

Looking forward to much more and much bigger....

Car parking manners

i have been taking the car to work since a few days. My office is in an industrial estate where super rich textile mill owners, printing presses, studios and the likes abound. It is a task to find parking space so I leave early from home.

There are watchmen at various places to guide and stop you from parking at an inappropriate place. And in the area, there are many buildings and a specified parking lot for each building.

Yesterday, i came in at around 1020 hours and found 2 parking spots just opposite my building. So, i pulled in the car in the open space when the watchman came and told me not to park it there. He said, "i can't let you park where regulars park. i accommodated your car the other day as a one-off thing. But if you are bringing it everyday then find parking somewhere else."

i told him that no space is allotted to anybody. So, whoever comes first parks it. Besides, if i work here why would i park somewhere else. i have full right to park the car here. You can come to my office and tell me if there is any problem, i'll move my car accordingly.

He grumbled but did not argue any further and told me to park the car in the far right corner. i did and told him that i'll leave by 1900 hours.

Then, in the evening, at around 1915, i stepped out of office to go home. There was a blue Maruti zen parked ahead of my car. The watchman had left by then so i enquired with the nearby drivers to find out who the car belonged to. After some talks, i found out that it belonged to somebody on the 2nd floor. A guard went up to the office and came back with the message that the car owner's driver has the keys and has gone for some work nearby. He'll be back soon. Sensing that it would take time, i went up to talk with him myself.

It was a deserted small office. i found a young man sleeping. His eyes were open and was looking here and there. i asked him where is the owner? He took me up the loft stairs again and showed me in. It was a dingy place. There was this middle-aged man with a temple tikka on his forehead talking to somebody.

i asked him to move the car and he repeated what the guard had told me previously. He said it’ll take about 20-25 minutes. Politely, i told him that i'll have to wait now. You should have kept some spare keys with you. i went down and waited for around 35 minutes.

While i was waiting, few of the drivers, guards and the temple priest told me that this car doesn't have any driver. The owner himself drives it, which meant that this man was making me wait for no particular reason. i was getting furious as i was climbing up the stairs. Just as i was reaching the 2nd floor, i saw this man coming out of his office hurriedly. i asked him, where is your driver? He said, here, the driver just came with the ladka. i said, i didn't see him coming up. i asked the watchman on the first floor. He denied having seen anybody come up. i just went down with boiling anger.

This middle-aged man got into the car and told the guy who had parked his omni van next to our cars, to park it elsewhere. His tone, demeanour all sounded shaken and guilty. And i started giving him a piece of my mind. i did not abuse him or stuff. But my voice had risen and i made my disgust very clear. He kept replying with words like – nahi beta meri aapse kya dushmani hai?

He moved his car away and was waiting at the gate.
I waited too.
He got nervous.
I kept waiting.
He did some fidgeting.
I was staring at him.
He started his car.
I started mine and followed him.
That’s the least I could do. Pinch him.
He drove himself, no driver, no child.
Guess his driver only keeps the keys and does not drive around the boss.

Such a @#$#$$%%^%#$@#$

I felt like breaking his car lights, deflating the car tyre and anything that would make him realise his folly. I took pictures of his car number plate and if my anger doesn’t subside, I might do something to teach him a lesson…..

That @#$@#$^#$^#$%^#

Bout of negativity

Sometimes, I feel stupid, insecure, sad, defeated (battling with my own self), exhausted, small, inept, irresponsible, empty, lonely, left out, dejected, incapacitated, negative.