Expectations

i should, i must, i should have, why didn't i?

All these expressions have increasingly been finding place in my writing, in my thinking. More than anybody else's expectations, i am bogged down by my own set of expectations from myself. Sometimes, i feel i am caught between the way i am right now and the way i think i should be, ideally, of course.

This stems from the feeling that i should respect my individuality and be true to myself. On the other hand, i feel when i have the awareness that so & so behaviour will get me closer to being 'RIGHT', i should so act. Because my epectations are many. i wouldn't say big or small, because that again would be judgement.

i am trapped between the so-called RIGHTs and WRONGs of the society at large. It is not all that bad, i mean sometimes i manage quite fine. But i have noticed that i have become very minutely and sharply sensitive to criticisms or rather opinions.

Maybe the key lies in balance. Is it?