The feeling lingers on

Do i turn over a new leaf?
Or do i carry on as it is?
Am too lazy to change and unready to move away from my comfort zone.

Diwali is my favourite festival but the enthusiasm is distracted.
Have great plans too but right now am feeling low and confused and despaired and bleak.

i don't want responsibility, but i also want power.
Why does great power come with great responsibility and vice versa?

Outwardly it is all fine.
The lights are gleaming on my balcony grill but the inside is in turmoil.
Self-created one.

i am too ready to accept defeat and i hate myself for that.
Is this an attempt to seek sympathy and avoid change?
Seems quite likely.
Hate it more.

Hate, too strong a word.
Love, too distant.

In between i oscillate and exist.

Let this Diwali be the true warding-off-darkness types.